


The Way You Are

by StarseekerWolf



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: After Chapter 2 of Julian's Route in Book X, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Other, Sad Ending, poor julian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarseekerWolf/pseuds/StarseekerWolf
Summary: Julian's back stiffens, and he turns slowly to face you. His eye flashes dangerously, and his mouth twists into a sad smile. He takes a careful step towards you. "You really think that I don't care about you?"You bite your lip. "I'm not really sure anymore."He nods. "Alright. I'll do whatever it takes to prove that I do."His one eyed gaze pierces you intensely. "I do care about you."





	The Way You Are

"Why won't you tell me what you found?"

You follow Julian through the house as he storms away from you, huffing. His long legs give him an advantage, but you put on a burst of speed and catch his arm, yanking him around to face you. His gray eye is stormy as he stares down at you. "What?" he asks in a monotone voice.

"You know what!" you exclaim in exasperation. "You went down to that dungeon and whatever you saw made you want to plead guilty to Lucio's murder." Your lip quivers and your voice breaks. "You almost _did_."

Julian's lips press into a thin line. "But I didn't. I'm here, aren't I?" He doesn't sound very happy about it.

You voice this to him, and he laughs dryly. "I don't want to be here after finding what I did. There's no way to come back from that."

"Then tell me what happened," you urge him, your heart fluttering with hope. "We can get through this together!"

Julian shakes his head slowly. "No. No, we can't."

"Well, why not?"

"We just, can't."

He tries to tug away, but you tighten your grip. "Why are you going this?" you ask in a low voice. "Why, Julian?"

"I'm going to do what I have to, Y/N. This is how it has to be."

He jerks his arm away and moves to leave, but right then, your composure crumbles.

"This is how _what_ has to be?" you scream, and he stops in his tracks. "Your life? You're on the run, Julian! You're a wanted man! Us? Is there even an us anymore, huh? You're clearly able to choose everyone and everything over me! Why is it so easy for you to just walk away? Do you actually care about _anyone_ but yourself?!"

Julian's back stiffens, and he turns slowly to face you. His eye flashes dangerously, and his mouth twists into a sad smile. He takes a careful step towards you. "You really think that I don't care about you?"

You bite your lip. "I'm not really sure anymore."

He nods. "Alright. I'll do whatever it takes to prove that I do."

His one eyed gaze pierces you intensely. "I do care about you."

You open your mouth to apologize, to protest, to say something, _anything_ , but he turns once more and leaves, the door slamming a few moments later. 

Trembling, you sink to the floor, a deep breath shuddering through you. "What have I done?"

 

*****

 

Your heart fills with dread as you make your way to Portia's cottage. She's going to be mad, but whether or not she shows it ... That's what you're worried about.

Portia is one of the kindest people you know, but she also has the hottest temper you've ever seen. If you're going to prevent Julian from doing something stupid, you both need to be thinking straight. For that reason, you spend the walk thinking carefully about how you're going to put things.

Tears aren't hard to call up as you mount the steps and prepare to knock. It's easy to reach within and find the fear, the fear that Julian is going to get himself captured, or worse, killed. You've only known him for a few weeks, but in that time, you've come to realize what a kind, caring man he is. If only he would accept that he deserves a better end than a prison cell and a noose, perhaps he could see it, too.

Taking a deep breath, you rap three times on the door, pause, then rap two more times. It's a code you, Portia, and Julian devised, so that in case of an emergency in which Portia wasn't sure who to let in, she would know it was safe to open the door.

A few moments later, the door swings open, and Portia stands before you. Her expression shifts from surprise to worry as she takes in that it's you.

"Oh, Autumn!" she says, her eyes widening a bit. "It's you!" She frowns at your tears. "Are you alright?"

You frown as well, ignoring her concern. "Were you ... expecting Julian?"

"He said he'd come over after he stopped by your shop," Portia tells you, brow furrowing. "Why, did he not show?"

"No, he did ... " You bite your lip, wondering if this will make her less or more mad than phrasing it a different way. "We had a fight, and ... "

Portia's mouth forms an 'o' in understanding. Wordlessly, she steps aside and you duck in, swiping the back of your hand across your cheek as she shuts the door behind you.

The two of you sit down at the table, and she clasps her hands together, waiting for you to speak. Pepi, Portia's cat, hops into your lap, purring, and you absentmindedly stroke her fur.

"Ever since he went down into that dungeon ... " You shake your head. " ... It's like he's changed. I know he wasn't all that motivated to live before, but at least he had enough sense to be careful when he went out. I thought he was getting better, I really did. He was doing it for you, and for me."

You grasp for the right words. "But now, it's like he just doesn't care anymore. He won't go out of his way to run into guards, but he won't make an attempt to hide, either. Whatever he found in that dungeon has convinced him that his innocence is an impossible thing to reach. We know he didn't kill Count Lucio, but I think he thinks that he did something else.

"And after our fight, he just left. And I have a bad feeling about what he was going to do. What he _is_ going to do."

"Oh, boy," Portia sighs, blowing out a breath. "I knew Ilya was being weird, but I didn't realize it was this bad. When did it start?"

"Right after that lift took him back up," you say numbly. "He even wanted to plead guilty to Lucio's murder, despite being utterly convinced that he was innocent as he descended. I persuaded him not to, but he seems to regret letting me make that decision."

"Of course he does," Portia grumbles, flicking a lock of auburn hair out of her face, which has contorted with worry and some annoyance. "Where do you think he went?"

"That's the problem," you mutter. "I haven't the faintest idea."

"What did he say to you before he left?" she asks.

"He said ... " You hesitate. "He said that he would do whatever it took to prove that he cares about me."

Portia is out of her seat in an instant, grabbing her wrist and dragging you towards the door.

"What-? Portia! Where are we going?"

"To see Milady!" she replies. "If he's shown up at the palace at all, she'll know."

"Okay, but I can walk on my own!" you exclaim as she throws open the door.

"Right," she says sheepishly, releasing you. You rub your skin reproachfully as you both step outside and run for the palace.

The air seems to fight you, pushing against you and slowing you down. Flowers seem to fight you, growing in clumps just tall enough that you must swerve to avoid them. Nature itself seems determined to stop you.

But you refuse. If you can just make it to the palace, you can confirm Julian's safety.

_He's safe. He has to be._

Just as you're running out of breath and your thighs are beginning to burn, you reach the palace. You dash inside, trusting Portia to know her way around. You follow her as you run through the halls, twisting through the corridors. Your shoes slap against the tile, echoing in the relatively empty space.

_I'm coming, Julian, whether you like it or not._

"Milady will probably be out on the veranda," Portia gasps. "We're almost there."

The two of you rush out onto the veranda to find Nadia lunging in the chair. You nearly crash into a servant who is also rushing towards the Countess.

"Autumn, Portia!" Nadia exclaims, her crimson eyes widening. Her gaze flicks from the two of you to the servant. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes," you pant, out of breath. "Have guards seen any sign of Julian Devorak in the past few minutes?"

"Not at all," Nadia says, confused. "Why do you ask."

"Actually, ma'am, that's not true," the servant interjects.

You and Portia both whirl to face him. " _What_?"

He looks nervous at interrupting you. "Doctor Devorak was found in the maze. Consul Valerius declared that a trial was necessary."

Nadia leaps to her feet, her tyrian hair swirling around her shoulders. "He _what_?" she snarls, her usually calm composure cracking. A hateful scowl has twists her face, and it makes you wonder if she doesn't agree with her court after all.

Portia lets out a despairing moan. "Oh, no no no no no. Who found him?"

"He threw himself at a group of guards on patrol," the servant informs her. "Something about proving that he cares about someone."

You meet Portia's gaze, feeling yourself beginning to drown.

He'd really meant it, didn't he? You were afraid that he was going to do something drastic, but you didn't think it would come to this.

 _It's my fault_ , you realize. _I pushed him to do this._

And after that, a determination settles in you, firm and fierce. _I have to save him._

"Where are they holding the trial?" you demand.

"The coliseum," the servant replies.

You groan, clutching your head. You remember that place; underneath it was the black market where you and Julian had acquired information about the Scourge of the South. You recall the way his hand had brushed yours in reassurance. The gentleness in his gaze had overwhelmed you.

You had to get to him.

As though reading your thoughts, Nadia's lips press into a thin line. "Go," she says. "I will ride in the carriage and meet you there." She blows out a frustrated breath. "Let us pray we are not too late."

Not having to be told twice, you and Portia run from the hall, making your way to the coliseum.

_I'm coming, Julian._

 

*****

As you and Portia near the coliseum, you start to hear the crowd.

Vulgora stands outside the entrance, their hands cupped around their mouths as they holler at passersby: "Come see the Count's murderer convicted! Right this way!"

Their cries have attracted a considerably large amount of people, who continue to trickle into the coliseum. The town wants to see bloodshed after all these peaceful years.

Your lip curls. You ponder leaping at them, but you don't have time to stop. You continue running, Portia right at your heels.

"Don't worry, I want to tackle them, too," Portia growls, hate lacing her voice. "Let's just find Ilya and-"

As you push into the coliseum, you both stop in your tracks, horrified at the scene before you.

The rows of seats are filled with citizens, all jostling each other for a good look. Some yell curses while others are angry at the courtiers. My eyes run across the stands before settling on the real problem.

Julian is situated on a platform for the crowd to see, his hands bound in front of him. His head is bowed, his eyes directed at the ground. Defeat is written in his stance: his hunched shoulders, his stiff legs, his limp arms.

Behind him are the gallows. Your gaze locks onto the loop of rope, swaying eerily in the wind.

_No. No._

"Alright, then!" Valerius' voice booms even above the noise of the crowd. "Vesuvia, are you ready to watch this man hang?"

"YES!" half of the crowd screams.

"NO!" hollers the other half.

"Let's get on with this, then," Valerius declares, his lips twisting into a smirk. He, Vlastomil, and Valdemar move towards Julian, while Volta stands to the side, chewing nervously on their fingernails. Vulgora, who must have entered the coliseum behind you, hops up onto the stage as well, teeth gleaming in a malicious smile.

_Okay, time to put a stop to this._

You push through the crowd, shoving your way up to the front. "Julian!" you scream.

His head snaps up, and your eyes meet. He looks surprised and almost happy to see you, but does not resist as Vulgora and Vlastomil haul him up onto the stool.

"Damn it, Ilya!" Portia curses, but her voice is farther away; you've been separated. Your pulse is roaring in your ears, your palms sweaty. This isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't-

Shoving several people aside, you put on a burst of speed and vault onto the platform, trying to reach for him.

Praetor Vlastomil catches you and shoves you back. "Get away, incompetent child. Let the adults do their job, okay?"

"No!" you seethe as Vulgora slips the noose over Julian's head. You lunge again, only to reel backward as Valerius-

_He just slapped me._

He glowers down at you from your position on the ground; his blow was so hard that it knocked you to the ground. "Stay down if you know what's good for you," he growls, like you're a dog.

You fly at him, but he hits you again, sending you to the ground once more. Your palms scrape painfully against the wood of the platform, and your arms tremble as you push yourself back up, though from anger or exhaustion, you do not know.

Now Julian is fighting as well, thrashing against Vulgora's grip. He looks furious at seeing you struck, especially by Valerius. "Y/N!"

At that moment, there's a presence beside you. You look up to see Asra and quickly get to your feet. He glares at Consul Valerius, his eyes ablaze. "You will _not_ hit Y/N again," he says steadily.

Valerius chuckles. "My, what an audience! Lucky you!"

He looks at Vlastomil and Valdemar. "Hold them."

Valdemar heads straight for you, and you gasp in pain as their gloved hands take hold of your arms roughly. Beside you, Vlastomil grabs Asra, who looks furious.

You stomp on Valdemar's foot, and in return, they deal a calculated blow to your temple with their fist. Letting out a strangled noise, you go limp, dizzy and seeing stars. Above Asra's enraged shout, you hear Julian's roar. Through half closed eyes, you see him thrashing with renewed vigor.

Unfortunately, Vulgora doesn't let go; rather, they look to be enjoying this, if their amused grin is any indication.

"Julian," you mutter. You force your muscles to move, hitting at Valdemar's chest. "Julian," you say louder, trying to fight the quaestor.

"Y/N," Julian says in a panicked voice. "Y/N, it's okay. Y/N, I love you-"

Valerius kicks the stool out from under him.

The noose tightens around Julian's neck, and his eye bulges. The color drains from his cheeks as he swings, feebly clawing at the rope.

And that is the last straw.

You slam your elbow into Valdemar's stomach and rear back your head so that it smashes into the questor's nose. Letting out a curse that is muffled by their doctor's mask, they release you.

Finally free, you gather your strength and slam your magic into the post of the gallows.

It topples over with a groan, leaving Julian flailing for air on the platform. Asra drops beside him, his deft fingers gradually untying the noose.

Most of the courtiers stand still in shock, but not Valerius. He marches towards you, his gaze alight with utter fury. "How _dare_ you-!"

" _CONSUL VALERIUS!_ "

He freezes at the sound of Nadia's voice. The crowd of people parts as the Countess makes her way to the platform, her expression twisted with rage. " _What_ is the meaning of this?"

"I-uh, Countess ... " Valerius stutters, trying to find words.

"It matters not," Nadia sneers. "I'll deal with you, all of you, right now. Come!"

When the courtiers hesitate, Nadia's eyes narrow. "NOW!"

They scurry towards her, and she whirls around, stalking out of the coliseum with them in tow.

"Alright, show's over!" Portia hollers, though you hear the waver in her voice. "Get out!"

The coliseum begins to empty, and as it does, you drop beside Julian, cradling his head. "Oh, God. Julian. Julian, I'm here."

You glance at Asra, but he shakes his head, his eyes sad. "His windpipe has been crushed beyond repair," he says forlornly. "I can't save him."

"No," you say. "No, you can _do_ something, you have to _do_ something, Asra, _DO SOMETHING_!"

"Y/N, it's okay," Julian murmurs. His voice is warbly and weak, but at least he's still alive.

"How is it _okay_?" you demand. "How is _anything_ going to be okay ever again?"

"It will," Julian rasps. "I love you, Y/N."

He sighs, though it looks like it pains him. "The caring thing to do would be to leave you, because ... I don't deserve you." He closes his eye briefly, then opens it again. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"No, Julian," you murmur. "You haven't failed me."

"How can you love me?" he questions. "How?"

"I just _do_ ," you say, laughing softly. "Julian, I love you just the way you are."

Portia kneels beside you, brushing his hair out of his face. "Hey, Ilya. How ya feeling?"

He smiles faintly, wincing. "Hey, Pasha. I'm doing great."

Your throat closes up. There's an ocean of grief just waiting to swallow you whole. "Julian-"

"Say my name," he whispers. "Just once."

You understand what he means. "Ilya," you breathe.. "Ilya, I love you."

"That was twice," he says, smiling.

"I love you twice as much, I guess," you whisper.

Tears carve a path down your cheek. "Ilya, please don't leave me."

"Just promise you'll never forget me," he murmurs.

"Never," you gasp. "I'll never forget you, Julian. That's my promise to you."

He grins one last time before he goes limp, his skin draining of all color, his eyes fluttering shut. He doesn't move again.

"I love you, Ilya," you whisper. You gather him in your arms. "I love you, Ilya, and I always have. Just the way you are."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment and let me know what you think!


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